Camping
One day a family of four is going camping. The members of that family are the two parents, Patricia the daughter, and Richard the son. They live in Southern Pennsylvania. They will go camping in a nearby forest in Pennsylvania just five kilometers away from home. “I’m so excited, we’ll go camping” Patricia said. “Me too” Richard said. “Where are we gonna go camping?” Patricia asked. “In a nearby forest” the mom answered. “How far is the forest?” Richard asked. “It’s five kilometers away from here” the dad answered. “This is one of the greatest days of my life” Patricia said. “I hope we don’t get lost in the forest” the dad said. “We should also not get eaten or harmed by the lions, tigers, or snakes” the mom said. They brought some food, boat, flashlight, a compass, a tent, a camera, clothes, some books, and first aid kit. They prayed to God so that they won’t get lost or killed by lions or tigers. They planned to stay in the forest for five days. They rode on their car and they drove for only thirty minutes. They parked their car near the forest. They went to the forest which is just five kilometers away from home. “Very tall trees” Patricia said while Richard pictures the trees. “Can I climb up the trees?” Richard asked. “No, the trees are too tall, and you might fall down” the two parents answered. “These trees might be taller than a 10-storey building” Patricia said. “Look, it’s a squirrell” the dad said. “It has big teeth” Patricia said. “They have beautiful tails” Richard said. The mom pictured the squirrell. “Look, it’s a snake” Richard said. “What kind of snake is that?” Patricia asked. “It’s a Cobra” the dad answered. Richard pictures the cobra. “Quick, run there’s a lion nearby” the mom said. “Richard, picture the lion and let’s run away” Patricia said. Richard pictures the lion and they run away. After a few minutes they saw an eagle flying. “Wow!!! It’s a big eagle” Richard said. “It flies very high” Patricia said. Richard pictures the eagle. After a few minutes, they saw monkeys and they picture them. They also saw an owl chasing a frog for lunch. Richard videos it. “Colourful birds” Patricia said. “Beautiful” the dad said. “Richard, picture them” the mom said. Richard pictures them. After a few minutes, they saw bats. “Richard, picture the bats” Patricia said. Richard pictures them. After a few minutes they saw a deer. “Richard, picture that deer” the mom said. Richard pictures the deer. “Look colourful parrots!” Patricia said. “Good afternoon” a parrot said. “Wow! the parrot said good afternoon” the dad said. Richard pictures the parrot. “Look a beetle” the mom said. Richard pictures it. After a few minutes, they saw a spider. “Look, it’s a spider” the mom said. “What kind of spider is that?” Richard asked. “That’s a Tarantula” the dad answered. “Its bight might be deadly” Patricia said. Richard pictures the Tarantula. “Look, it’s a river” Patricia said. “The water runs so fast” the dad said. Richard touched the water and said “The water is so cold” “Look, there are fishes in this river” Patricia said. “We can go fishing” the dad said. “We can get a fish and keep them as pets” Richard said. “That’s a good idea, Richard” the mom said. “We can also ride on a boat” the dad said. “Good idea, dad” Patricia said.“Picture that river” the dad said. He pictured the river. “Look, it’s a tall mountain” Patricia said. “Richard, picture the mountain” the mom said. “Can we climb up the mountain?” Patricia asked. “No, it’s dangerous, that we might fall down” the dad said. Richard pictured the mountain. “What’s the name of the mountain?” Patricia asked. “That’s the Allegheny Mountains” the mom answered. “Beautiful mountain” the dad said. “Kids, don’t you know that the state of Maryland is just near here in this forest” the mom said. “Can we go to Maryland?” Richard asked. “Maybe next time” the mom answered. “Hey look it’s a skeleton” Richard said. “Whose skeleton is that?” Patricia asked. “It looks like an eagle’s skeleton” the mom answered. Richard pictured the skeleton. “Look, it’s a very big squirrel” Patricia said. “It’s three feet tall” The mom said. “I hope it’s harmless” the dad said. Richard pictured it. “Look it’s a giraffe” the dad said. “It has a long neck” Patricia said. Richard pictured the giraffe. “Mommy, what kind of bird is that?” Patricia asked. The mom looked up and said “That’s a vulture” the mom answered. “It has dark feathers” Richard said. “Let’s go in the tent” the dad said. “Let’s put the tent near the river” Patricia said. They swam in the river. “It’s cold here” Richard said. “The water is running so fast” Patricia said. The parents are reading books while the two children are swimming. “Let’s ride on the boat” the mom said. “Good idea” the dad said. “The water is so fast” Patricia said. “Let’s make paper boats and race them on the water” Richard said. “Good idea” Michelle said. They watched the boats for 20 minutes and Patricia’s boat wo
i think you need paragraphs.
Your story ran out again. You need to figure out how to copy and paste these so we see the whole story. Give the parents names. It would be 5 miles not Kilometers, so change kilometers to miles for America. There would not be lions or tigers in Pennsylvania, unless it was a mountain lion, and that would be rare, change lions to bears. It would not take 30 minutes to drive 5 miles, maybe 5 or 10 minutes, unless there was some kind of traffic or road drama, 30 minutes would be a lot of time. Cobra’s wouldn’t be in Penn. I am not sure if a water Moccasin would be found there, but it is too far north for a cobra. You wouldn’t even find a rattle snake there, it is too cold a climate. I am not sure about eagles in Penn. they might be there, or maybe a hawk or owl. No monkeys, nothing tropical lives in America, unless it is at a zoo. Colorful birds might be cardinals, blue jays, gold finch, you might find bats, maybe in a barn, but not flying with other birds, and probably not flying during the day. Deer would be in the forrest, good!!! No parrots, that is the kind of thing you would find in Africa, not here. No tarantulas or scorpions, they would likely be found farther south like Texas, New Mexico, or Arizona, you wouldn’t find them in Penn. They could go fishing, but keeping the fish as pets wouldn’t work, they would die, unless the family had a pond or river where they live, and if so, mention that. It is more likely that they would fish, and cook the fish, since they are camping, or catch and release the fish, probably rainbow trout, or blue gill. Squirrels would not be three feet tall, that is too much. Maybe if the kids are young, they would think it is a squirrel, but the mom tells them it is a beaver instead. No giraffes in America, except for zoos. I am not sure about a vulture in the North you might have to check that out. Bummer your story ran out. You did better on this story, I like it. It would help when you write the stories to give all the characters names, and mention the age of the kids so we know if what they are doing would make sense. I think these kids sound young to me, but it would help to know their ages. I will concede to you that it is possible that people in America would take a camping trip just 5 or 10 miles from their home, but they usually travel farther than that when on vacation, but it is still believable. I knew people who would go camping in the forrest because they were still working. So they would take their camper to the camp site, and spend the night camping and then get up in the morning and go to work and then go fishing and stuff on their days off. It is odd, but I know people who do it. Who is Michelle? You don’t mention her, unless she is in the part that got cut off. This is a pretty good story so far, just need to change some things out.
1) Paragraphs. This is almost unreadable.
2) Plausibility. How old are these kids – three? I can’t see anyone much older than this saying things like “look, it’s a river” and being told things like “we might fall down”. In which case, no, they won’t be swimming in a fast-running river while their parents read books. Lions, tigers and giraffes in Pennsylvania? No.
3) Tense. Pick one. You flick randomly between present and past, and even future at one point.
4) Dialogue punctuation. You need to go look this up – it’s complicated and yours is consistently wrong.